You can’t tell me he’s not king.
This post is partly to brag about my boyfriend, but mostly for those who saw my post(s) about my abusive ex.
For those who were or are where I was in my past relationship.
For those scared to date again.
There are good people out there. Good men. Patient men. – Im not saying you should force yourself to get back out there. Take your time. I couldnt even go on a casual date before him. And theres still a lot of anxiety anf fear. I may have even gotten into this too quickly(and its been two years since I got free from the abusive relationship I was in).
But this man, he is pure gold. After our first date we discussed boundaries. After the first time we hung out in his dorm we discussed them again. I literally cannot count the amount of times we’ve discussed boundaires. Both me and him bringing it up.
You know what else I can’t count? The amount of times I’ve recieved a message like that. A message of him telling me how happy I make him, and how thankful he is for me letting him in. Because he knows. He knows its hard for me. He listens and understands.
People like this exist. And it can be so much better than you’d imagine.
Just don’t give up completely.
Or is that just me?
A lot of women I know are open and will share their stories of abuse, stalking, sexual assault and rape. They are strong, and you should listen.
But, that being said, a lot of women will speak up against rape culture or how prevalent this issue is in our society, and then be attacked or thoroughly questioned about their experiences. Assumptions made about what they have and have not experienced. Told that if they dont talk about their own experiences or share every detail of their story that its not happening.
It is happening. And there are women who do and have shared their stories. But the ones who dont are still allowed to talk about the problem. They dont owe you their story. You are not entitled to knowing the details of their darkest experiences. You are not entitled to details of any of their experiences.
Everyone should be talking about this problem, but just because they dont announce it or give details doesnt mean they havent experienced it.
My brother is an amazing conversationalist. He can make me consider things in ways I wouldnt of even thought of. He can make me question a stance I have held for years.
But sometimes, every once in a while, he says something that is so ignorant it makes my brain freeze.
We had a long car ride so we talked a lot. About everything. It was great.
He then brought up women responding differently to those they find attractive vs those they dont. While I agreed, there are definitely some instances where this is over the top and occurs, a lot of times what people take as rude to someone theyre not attracted to is actually fear of turning them down. Fear of the response if they have to say no. Fear of what happens if no doesnt work.
I brought up how were taught our whole lives how to avoid being kidnapped and raped by men. Its not every guys fault, but its every girls burden.
His response was “do you know how hard that is on men though? How much fear there is in being labled a creep? Girls are trained to find the bad in us”
Im sorry, but your fear of being seen as a creep is not the equivilant to my fear of being raped.
You mean you had to be extra polite and courteous to women so they wouldnt be afraid of you?
Well I had the same curfew when I was 18 that my 10 year old brother had.
You had to be extra cautious not to offend a girl? Well I wasnt allowed to go anywhere without some one else, ESPECIALLY not the bathroom.
I was trained to never be alone, if I think someones following me pretend im on the phone, check in every hour, and never walk on the side of the road where an idle vehicle is. Never be too forward or too reserved.
If you’re rude or too pushy you get labled a creep. If im rude or too pushy I get raped.
Its not the same thing.
But shout out to cosmo for supporting sexual harassment of a man and calling it “funny” in their August 2018 confession section…
“Naturally my hand just went to slap his bum” no. You made a conscious decision to violate him.
You should feel disgusted and ashamed.
Yes, a lot of it is.
A majority is about power. Its about how they get off sexually to the ability of controlling, abusing, etc.
However, there are DEFINITELY cases where a rapist was attracted to the individual and wanted sex with the individual and either failed to communicate or was turned down and decided to take it(that second one can be considered power too, but you can’t tell me that it has nothing to do with attraction).~~*examples*
Yes, lets spread the word that power is a main motivator in rape. Yes, lets abolish this idea that you need to be “attractive”(in a typical way) in order to be raped.
But please stop spreading this “all rape is power control”, because its not. There HAVE been times when people truly didnt understand what consent. There have been rapists who only had the goal of sex with the specific person (regardless of how). Sadly, this will continue.
Lets stop saying all rapists have the same motives. This does not further understanding, safety, or help the cause in any way.
Educate people on consent.
Educate people on the signs of discomfort in others.
Educate people on the signs of a manipulative individual.
Educate people on victims rights.
Don’t have sex without consent.
Bam, done. Many, many rapes prevented.
“My insides are splintering and Im afraid if I sleep I will have nightmares again” I say to the friend who jokingly asked why I wasnt asleep since its passed my bed time(I usually go to sleep super early, its 2am)
“Haha did you eat wood” he playfully responds
“No, it was forced down my throat” I say.
“…right” is all he responds. Because, again, I have turned our playful banter to depressing talk. Because again I’ve brought up a conversation that he doesn’t want to hear about. Because he expects that next I will bring “him” up. But I wont bring “him” up, because I know that my friend doesnt want to hear about it again.
For now we will talk about nightlights and other childish solutions to a not so childish problem, if anything, maybe, this can serve as a distraction.
Yet still, my insides are splintering and I cant sleep because Im afraid the nightmares that stopped over a year ago are going to return.
Because my insides are splintering.