This post is partly to brag about my boyfriend, but mostly for those who saw my post(s) about my abusive ex.
For those who were or are where I was in my past relationship.
For those scared to date again.
There are good people out there. Good men. Patient men. – Im not saying you should force yourself to get back out there. Take your time.I couldnt even go on a casual date before him. And theres still a lot of anxiety anf fear. I may have even gotten into this too quickly(and its been two years since I got free from the abusive relationship I was in).
But this man, he is pure gold. After our first date we discussed boundaries. After the first time we hung out in his dorm we discussed them again. I literally cannot count the amount of times we’ve discussed boundaires. Both me and him bringing it up.
You know what else I can’t count? The amount of times I’ve recieved a message like that. A message of him telling me how happy I make him, and how thankful he is for me letting him in. Because he knows. He knows its hard for me. He listens and understands.
People like this exist. And it can be so much better than you’d imagine.
“My insides are splintering and Im afraid if I sleep I will have nightmares again” I say to the friend who jokingly asked why I wasnt asleep since its passed my bed time(I usually go to sleep super early, its 2am)
“Haha did you eat wood” he playfully responds
“No, it was forced down my throat” I say.
“…right” is all he responds. Because, again, I have turned our playful banter to depressing talk. Because again I’ve brought up a conversation that he doesn’t want to hear about. Because he expects that next I will bring “him” up. But I wont bring “him” up, because I know that my friend doesnt want to hear about it again.
For now we will talk about nightlights and other childish solutions to a not so childish problem, if anything, maybe, this can serve as a distraction.
Yet still, my insides are splintering and I cant sleep because Im afraid the nightmares that stopped over a year ago are going to return.